Naïve Reg hack thinks he can beat Christmas food comas once and for all
One man's plan to ruin his holiday for the better
Comment It was only recently I started reveling in the Black Friday feeling. My first foray into the e-commerce extravaganza came last year when I bought a PS5 and in the same spirit, I finally pulled the trigger on an Apple Watch Ultra 2 the other week after pining for one since launch. Not because I needed the impetus to get off my butt and start working out, the reason behind so many purchases, as I understand it.
Sunrise cloud inversion over Winnats Pass in the Peak District, UK - click to enlarge
Quite the opposite, actually. I've always been of an active, sporty disposition. Restless, even, both physically and mentally, a fact to which those closest to me will surely attest. Whether my need to stay in some sort of shape is an innate quality or one derived from the hurtful swimming lesson belly pinches from primary school classmates, who can say? But, come Christmas time, I often throw myself into the festivities in all the wrong ways.
Gluttonous shoveling of meat, chips, dip, chocolate, and all the rest of it becomes the norm. Washing down copious calories with all the wine my mum is willing to fill the house with swiftly follows. How else are you supposed to tolerate the oldies' nonsense for a few days?
But, spending my days off work resigned to the sofa, at one with the furniture and accompanying hungover food coma, is something I've never enjoyed, deep down. This year, I promised myself that my rear end and the furniture wouldn't be such close friends, and I hope it's for the better.
On the way to the misty summit of Blencathra (also known as Saddleback) in the Lake District, Cumbria, UK - click to enlarge
It was during the COVID-19 pandemic and a difficult time pent up inside that I first heard the saying "to get out of your mind, get into your body" and it's stuck with me. Back then, it helped this outdoor mammal handle its new housebound reality. The government-imposed one-hour window that encouraged respite from smashing our saucepans with wooden utensils and venturing outside instead was the first time I ever really embraced walking as a healing tool. Before, it was merely a cheap mode of transport.
This year, however, I hope it serves as a means to ditching the bad habits that are so often associated with Christmas. I don't want to waste all my energy on digestion. I don't want my entire, limited time off work to be filled with roast potato overdoses and holiday TV programming – here in the UK comedy crossover quiz show 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown is a national favorite. I want to make the most of my holidays, and I believe walking is the key to the best Christmas yet.
Well, I should say "best Christmas as an adult." Nothing has quite been the same since the Great Santa Isn't Real Revelation of '02.
I plan to be walking as much as possible when I make the pilgrimage back home to the beautiful English countryside for the holidays. This year I'm wrapping up warm and swapping yesteryear's food babies for footpaths.
The weather promises to be bitterly cold, as ever, but the scenery is undeniably gorgeous. A snowy Suffolk is really something. It'll certainly be a far cry from the Monoflex blanket that's blocked the view of my city center apartment for the past two years while the highly flammable cladding is replaced.
Bronze age Castlerigg stone circle near Keswick in the English Lake District – a good alternative if you like your neolithic monuments without the Stonehenge tourists - click to enlarge
Indeed, for around three weeks I'll be abandoning my duty to prod tech execs over their various failures. I love doing so, but instead of finding faults, perhaps I should have taken the advice of captains of the tech industry much sooner.
- On the seventh anniversary of Steve Jobs' death, we give you 7 times he served humanity and acted as an example to others
- Meta CEO doesn't Zuck at Brazilian jiu-jitsu, apparently
- Bluesky keeps growing, and so do its problems
- As the Apple Watch turns 10, disabled users demand real accessibility
Former Apple CEO and bringer of the iPhone Steve Jobs was widely known for his love of walking, for example. Granted, it was usually to foster creativity and problem-solving during mobile meetings instead of washing away the year's stress and Christmas calories. Still, though, he was rich and in great nick. It doesn't seem like such a bad model to follow. Plus, I bet none of you, dear readers, can rock a turtleneck quite like the Jobsman. That's walking, baby.
Similarly, Mark Zuckerberg is known for his semi-recent rebrand as a jacked tech CEO, embracing exercise in the form of mixed martial arts to escape the stresses of Silicon Valley. Bill Gates is a keen tennis player and Jack Dorsey, whose Bluesky venture is proving to be the founder's second major social media success, is known for running most mornings.
Walking, however, can be done by most. I'm not even 30 yet and my knees creak at the thought of being mangled in a Portuguese Patella Mincer or whatever the name is for the hold Zuckerberg would have me in.
While Jiu-Jitsu isn't for the skeletally challenged like myself, walking can be done by just about every able-bodied person this Christmas and I think by embracing it more than time in front of the TV, my holiday season will be enjoyable.
Above and below: along the river Stour in the Dedham Vale, in Suffolk, east Anglia, England. The area is known as Constable Country due to its links with the old English Romantic landscape artist John Constable - click to enlarge
It's just a little experiment, so even if I hate it and realize I was doing things right all along, at the very least I'll experience the sweet joy of my new watch cheerily buzzing my wrist to say I smashed my step target for the day.
Any tips for the region and walking in wet weather would be most welcome. ®
Biting the hand that feeds IT
